i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
