Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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