Plan B is the new Plan A
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
