my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize