I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
