He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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