if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
