The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
