She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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