the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
