Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
