Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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