Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
