you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
