i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
