my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
