Did you just see the Batmobile???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
