That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
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