woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
