Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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