Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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