then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
no, he came in my armpit
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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