Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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