im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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