somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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