he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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