Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
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I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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