He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
