I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
