we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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