I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
