SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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