is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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