I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
