i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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