hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
