I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
