I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize