I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
