I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
