So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
