Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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