i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
