Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
