but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
