Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
