before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
