the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
