Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
