and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
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I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
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Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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