one word: firstdatebathroomanal
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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