I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
