There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
