then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
where are my eyebrows?
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