I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
