I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
